ROTC

I'm reminded of my first year of college at Olivet Nazarene University in Bourbonnais, IL.  I could write a lot about it- I could probably write a lot about anything, though.  But what I was thinking of just recently is my decision to join their Army ROTC program (Reserve Officers' Training Corps).  Classes had not started yet, but I was moved in and was attending the University's "freshmen welcome" programs.  Joining the military had been on my mind or at least joining ROTC where I could enlist in the Army and go to school, too.  But I was looking for confirmation, you see.  I remember scanning, I think it was the book of Psalms, for any verses that I could count from God saying, "Yes, Kyla, go for it.  This is what I want you to do."  I can not say I honestly received a confirmation from God that ROTC was the right route for me, but it was used as an incredible experience.  So why this memory comes to mind is because I'm wondering if I'm doing the same thing, the same "scanning-the-Bible-for-the-answer-I-want" kind of search.  I'm sitting on a rock, in a lake (figuratively ;-)), with North Park University on the left shore line and the Honor Academy on the right shore line (the right shore line is farther away with its location in TX, taken into consideration).  And perhaps I have my Bible propped open on my lap, sitting Indian-style, and I'm turning the book upside down and inside out looking for God to have scribbled the words, "Ky!  Go to the Honor Academy, baby!  I'll meet you there, girl!!!"  In my ideal vision, my friends from North Park and maybe the whole University is blowing me kisses, waiving, and sending me a blessing.  Because I like blessings.  I like leaving, I like changing, but I want what I am leaving to be okay with me leaving and "sending me forth".  :-) 

I would choose the Honor Academy if I was persistent in creating a movie-worthy life story (Don Miller inspired, a sermon off of his book, Blue Like Jazz).  But if I was to do the one where I would be praising God through anything and everything- then I would try to dutifully go back to college- North Park.

This shouldn't be this big of a deal, should it?  Why are these thoughts so heavy, then?  I'm going to cook...

GTG

K, I gtg in like 12.5 minutes.  However I would love to type out this thought I have:  me, alone, meeting God.  There are many times in the Bible where it warns that each individual will be held accountable for his/her actions.  I think about this...and then I realize that I won't be looking around when this happens.  I don't know what I'll be looking at, but it'll be really incredible.  But just knowing that regardless of where this nation goes and what the people around me or the majority find acceptable or whatever, God's standard of righteousness does not change.  That thought was recently revealed to me- I'll be held accountable for my actions,  regardless of what others do.

Flipping through the Bible, the book of Zephaniah sang to me.  :)  My NLT Study Bible (love it) highlights the following verse:

"Beg the Lord to save you- all you who are humble, all you who uphold justice.  Walk humbly and do what is right."  Zephaniah 2:3

I'm going to go pick weeds!  :-)  Oh, and I got my nose pierced yesterday.  :-)
Thank You, Zephaniah (hmm, sweet name, right?),
Miss Rae

Be Near by Shane & Shane http://youtu.be/hk_jBfJi_pk  (found this song on Honor Academy's website) 

Joshua & Cake

So I started to read the book of Joshua because of a church service I heard a couple weeks ago.  Man, there are always a bunch of arbitrary (learned that word in Jr. High!  Yeah vocab words) thoughts I want to share...ah.
Okay so Joshua.  I read today in the book of Joshua, Chapter 14, about this man named Caleb.  In verses 10-12, Caleb is telling Joshua how because of his positive report he delivered, 45 years ago, God had promised him a hill country.  "I am as strong now as I was when Moses sent me on that journey, and I can still travel and fight as well as I could then" (verse 11).  Isn't that crazy?  Caleb feels just as strong and capable of conquering a city as he did when he was 40 years old.  And today, 40-year-olds are "old and weak."  I should emphasize what Caleb says later.  "...You will remember that as scouts we found the Anakites living there in great, walled cities.  But if the Lord is with me, I will drive them out of the land, just as the Lord said" (verse 12).

"But if the Lord is with me..."

My Study Bible points out that this chapter is the fulfillment of a 45-year-old promise.  It asks the reader, "Would you honor a 45-year-old promise?  God would- and does."  It goes on to say that God is fulfilling promises today that he made centuries ago and some of his greatest promises are yet to be fulfilled.  "Let your faith grow as you realize how God keeps his word."  Okay...

Some other things I would feel better typing out.  One is that I feel disdain (yuck, this is so ugly) towards specifically women whom express a stronger, more committed, more embedded and real relationship with God, than I have.  This is very ugly of me.  I feel jealous and annoyed.  I want the connection they express with God, but I feel immediately out-of-touch and disconnected from the whole Christian faith.  This is not true and this is not good!  I don't know if I can/should acknowledge Satan's whispers in this area when this occurs or if it's not Satan, but just me and my dirt.  Can I blame things on Satan?  Either way, I don't want to feel that way.  I want to feel encouraged and inspired by my fellow women.  Ugh, it is so ugly- this occurrence within me.
I need help with my faith! 

dis·dain/disˈdān/

Verb: Consider to be unworthy of one's consideration.

Noun: The feeling that someone or something is unworthy of one's consideration or respect; contempt.
(Google Definition)

Also, I received advice yesterday that I didn't like.  :(  Gr.  Advice I don't like is so much harder to follow!  It was that I should stay in college and get a degree before stopping.                                               UUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I'm sorry to be so difficult!  I know college is an ENORMOUS BLESSING!  When the kind, thoughtful, helpful, loving woman told me this advice, it was like a stab at the heart.  (I know, I'm really good at being over-dramatic.)  Because when I think of going back to the same school, which is a delightful, great school, I feel like it's the death of a potential adventure.  I have noticed this condition inside of me that craves new experiences, places, conditions.  I have been to two different colleges and now want to go somewhere else again.  (My captive eye lies on the Honor Academy.)  While I know that it'll still be new and adventurous going back to my college this Fall because it's a whole new year with new things waiting for me- I feel torn.  I think of Don Miller telling me to live a life worthy of a movie script and I think- Go!  Change!
Okay, I need to end now.  I feel slightly better, getting some thoughts out.  Thanks... :-)

Black Forest Cupcake Pictures!  (Trust me, they are delicious ;) )

yes, this is me.  i was wondering if my downcast heart shown through a picture.  false alarm ;)  and I don't think it showed through the baking either.

(psst...this is me looking up the Honor Academy program)

it's a good thing the recipe called to melt these items in a pan.  or else I get lazy and use a microwave.  and so I am told, the microwave is a tool to bring the end of the world.  thus, i should stop being lazy.

the batter rises ;)  fill the tins up 2/3 or so

(ah!  the frosting part.  did I mention that frosting freezes over my soul?  I'm on a dramatic kick...what I mean is that making frosting/using frosting has not yet become a natural action for me.

Tripper & Shadow lying on the kitchen floor.

Black Forest Cupcakes, love Annie's Eats.
Kisses :*,
Miss Rae

Slime down my Leg

My puppies bring me joy.  All day today I identified with Psalm 42.  I felt downcast.  And it was just now when my puppies came in and gobbled in water, licked my legs and I felt their slime and water drip from their mouths that I felt some weight lifted from the clouds within me.  There is this book that I am upset that I forget the name of- it's about how this daughter tastes how her mother was feeling when the mother was cooking the food.  It sounded really interesting and I think about that concept often.  "Can you taste how I was feeling when I baked this?"

The cupcakes turned out tasting pretty AUTHENTICALLY DELICIOUS, if I were asked.  I had one that wasn't quite cooked all the way through when they came out of the oven...oh it was delicious not cooked all the way...
And filling cupcakes is way fun and not difficult!
Frosting, pre-made and with emphasis, homemade, is a terrifying element.  I find it unpredictable and insecure.  Humph.
Greek yogurt worked as a fine alternative to sour cream in these cupcakes.
The pans were filled 3/4 of the way for good reason.  ;)

I am tired.  And thankful.  Bon nuit.
http://youtu.be/sAhdmfcVK9s  (this is my favorite David Crowder Band song)

"But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing his songs, praying to God who gives me life."  Psalm 42:8

You are my joy, You have every reason to be my every joy,

Miss Rae