Okay so Joshua. I read today in the book of Joshua, Chapter 14, about this man named Caleb. In verses 10-12, Caleb is telling Joshua how because of his positive report he delivered, 45 years ago, God had promised him a hill country. "I am as strong now as I was when Moses sent me on that journey, and I can still travel and fight as well as I could then" (verse 11). Isn't that crazy? Caleb feels just as strong and capable of conquering a city as he did when he was 40 years old. And today, 40-year-olds are "old and weak." I should emphasize what Caleb says later. "...You will remember that as scouts we found the Anakites living there in great, walled cities. But if the Lord is with me, I will drive them out of the land, just as the Lord said" (verse 12).
"But if the Lord is with me..."
My Study Bible points out that this chapter is the fulfillment of a 45-year-old promise. It asks the reader, "Would you honor a 45-year-old promise? God would- and does." It goes on to say that God is fulfilling promises today that he made centuries ago and some of his greatest promises are yet to be fulfilled. "Let your faith grow as you realize how God keeps his word." Okay...
Some other things I would feel better typing out. One is that I feel disdain (yuck, this is so ugly) towards specifically women whom express a stronger, more committed, more embedded and real relationship with God, than I have. This is very ugly of me. I feel jealous and annoyed. I want the connection they express with God, but I feel immediately out-of-touch and disconnected from the whole Christian faith. This is not true and this is not good! I don't know if I can/should acknowledge Satan's whispers in this area when this occurs or if it's not Satan, but just me and my dirt. Can I blame things on Satan? Either way, I don't want to feel that way. I want to feel encouraged and inspired by my fellow women. Ugh, it is so ugly- this occurrence within me.
I need help with my faith!
dis·dain/disˈdān/
Verb: Consider to be unworthy of one's consideration.
Noun: The feeling that someone or something is unworthy of one's consideration or respect; contempt.(Google Definition)
Also, I received advice yesterday that I didn't like. :( Gr. Advice I don't like is so much harder to follow! It was that I should stay in college and get a degree before stopping. UUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I'm sorry to be so difficult! I know college is an ENORMOUS BLESSING! When the kind, thoughtful, helpful, loving woman told me this advice, it was like a stab at the heart. (I know, I'm really good at being over-dramatic.) Because when I think of going back to the same school, which is a delightful, great school, I feel like it's the death of a potential adventure. I have noticed this condition inside of me that craves new experiences, places, conditions. I have been to two different colleges and now want to go somewhere else again. (My captive eye lies on the Honor Academy.) While I know that it'll still be new and adventurous going back to my college this Fall because it's a whole new year with new things waiting for me- I feel torn. I think of Don Miller telling me to live a life worthy of a movie script and I think- Go! Change!
Okay, I need to end now. I feel slightly better, getting some thoughts out. Thanks... :-)
Black Forest Cupcake Pictures! (Trust me, they are delicious ;) )
Kisses :*,
Miss Rae
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