Saturday, March 31, 2012

What is Acting?

hmm.  Sometimes I love thoughts.  I love questions with no answers.  Sometimes Philosophy, sometimes no Philosophy.  I ask, what is acting?  And that's really more simple of a question than I intended for it to be.  "Acting", in my words, is simply portraying emotions and identities that are  intentional, deliberate, to move along a story.  I'm sure there are just about 200 ways to say this.  And I'm sure someone, nay many people, would tell me I said it wrong- WHATEVER!

Last year, while studying at North Park University, I was in a class called, "Ethics & Art".  It was a really good class, really interesting.  My professor was legit.  We read, Master and the Margarita--such a fascinating novel when studied in a class.  Within this class of ethics and art many great and annoying questions arose like; What is art?  What is the point of acting?  Why perform?  Why....[insert a question here that often feels pointless].  This same semester I took an Intro to Acting class by Dr. Bergman--awesome class.  Awesome.

I need to cut to my drift.  ;)  I watched Fear last night, one of Reese Witherspoon's first movies and Mark Wahlberg is in it too.  (Ladies, you will think twice about how foxy Mark is after watching this movie).  It was on TV and I was house-sitting, kind of, anyways the movie was on and since I am a developing actor myself, I thought it would be a good experience to see one of Reese's first hits!  It was slightly traumatizing.  Oh, Margo. <3  Ughhhh.  But after any story, I ask, what was the point?  Why was that film made, that production paid for and worked for?  

What was the point of producing the film, Fear?  I think what I may have taken the most away from this novel is that protective, embarrassing dads, are really just that-protective and the embarrassing part might just have to tag along with that wonderful, wonderful trait.  Thank God "Nicole" had the kind of father she did.  He was a fighter!  No matter his physical shape, his social status, he fought for his family.  Way to go, Nicole's father.

I think this is the "biggest" lesson I'm taking away.  Plus that line that Mark or "David" says in the beginning of the film, "When something seems too good to be true, it often is."  Um, perhaps a resounding tchyeah.



Monday, March 26, 2012

Really Silly

I love being really silly, but that's not really what I'm going after in this post at the moment.  At work today, I was setting-up a room with a co-worker who has some kind of mental disability.  When I say "setting-up a room", we had 15 "rounds" out and eight chairs had to be set-up in an "open" position around each table, towards the stage.  Ha!  It's not a complex job, I just liked adding lingo because I think I'm cool...
Anyways, so my co-worker friend, let's call him, David (not his name), and I were working on the chairs.  We were both un-stacking the racks and slipping in chairs around tables and all of my words lead to this: David was groovin'!  He was taking one chair at a time, lifting it above his head, jerking his neck, holding the chair between his knees, etc. all the while sheepishly taking glances at me, waiting for me to make exclamations.  He loves getting attention and writing this out, I am reminded, Doesn't everyone love getting attention?  Who doesn't want to be praised, encouraged, admired, etc.?  Sometimes this gets annoying with David.  Or to use one of the five fundamental emotions, I would choose angryWhy do you need to be praised, David?  Can't you enjoy something you did and not need someone else to notice?
But it came to my attention today while I was watching David that I was just like him.  I, and other people who don't live with mental "disabilities", look as "ridiculous" as David did-let me explain.  I am tender at saying David looked ridiculous, but understand that this is not offensive.  David was so proud of himself for lifting a chair above his head and he sought praise for his super cool actions.  You know?  For something I could do, too.  You know?  But as I was watching him today (It was probably God, right?), I saw myself in David's position, with God looking at me like, "Yeah, Ky, I'm happy that you're happy.  I think you're so cool, too.  But you do know that what you're doing is no big deal for me, right?  I can do that, any day, any time, and I invented things like arms and chairs and muscle, weight, gravity.  But you know, I'm glad you think it's cool..."  Haha.  Wow-it was a cool vision for me.  One that made me enjoy David even more.
That could be another note; how I enjoy working with people who have mental handicaps.  It is so lovely to me...

with love (love is patient, love is kind, it does not boast,... 1 Corinthians 13:4-7),
Kyla Rae

Friday, March 16, 2012


Friday night, AMTCing, doggie-appeasing, and scripture-therapying.

John 17:15, "I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one."

Um.  While learning about acting and performing, it encourages me to learn massage therapy.  Funny, huh?  I think it's because acting scares me subconsciously so much, that I would love to "fall back" on massage therapy.  And as a massage therapist, I don't have to speak.  ;-)  I'll just-pray...and use my massage therapy training on you... :)

*Some faces call for "noses" and others, don't.  I thought this necessary to share.

"God desires our life and prosperity with unimaginable fervor, so much so that ‘the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him’ (2 Chronicles 16:9)."

I'm never in over my head.  No.  No, no, no.

Ha!  This is so not a baking-blog anymore.  Especially now that I'm transitioning into a vegan lifestyle...
Hahaha :-)
Wishin' you sweet dreams whenever you decide to go to lulu... ;) (my friend, Leah, calls that going to bed),
Kyla Rae 

Feels Like School

Huh.  I'm glancing down at the (o wait, the time is up - on the upper right corner on this laptop) time and notice that the minutes are passing...promptly.  And here I am, clicking on different tabs and reading short articles/blogs and I wonder, with surprise, "Am I procrastinating?"  But I'm not in school right now!  I took this semester off to feel like I am alive again!  But after my initial defensive responses, I acknowledge that yes, I am procrastinating.  Even though I am not enrolled in classes, I can procrastinate, which sucks because I thought that I would be over that!

Tomorrow I am scheduled to go to Launch Weekend with/for AMTC.  And I didn't realize until like twenty moments ago, how big of a deal I think this weekend is.  And I don't exactly feel prepared.  Which stinks and is only my fault, obviously.  So- I'm going to have my blog page open next to my AMTC website so I can share and release any "urgent" thoughts I have, etc, but please note, I  am working... ;-)


Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Forks Over Knives

Forks Over Knives, a film produced by Virgil Films is a very convincing, educational, and beneficial movie to watch.

You know, from personal experience, I know about food and anxiety.  Yuck, uck, uck!  Food has caused me so much anxiety!  And...just knowing, that God created this stuff, this food that science is now proving is best for us, for humans in every single way, points to our Creator and His care for us, His total knowledge, and the fact that in every way, us humans will come back to Him.

I might be able to talk more about food anxieties later--not that most other Americans have not experienced them.  I'm one of the many people who have struggled/struggle with eating disorders, but God's way doesn't bring upon eating disorders or anxiety.  And the best part is that God's provision with food, doesn't condemn me or tell me that there is something way wrong with me, etc, but it's that God has provided.  Everything I need.

It makes sense. awful would it be to practice a vegan lifestyle?  How awful would it be to live without meat and dairy?  I will miss Greek yogurt, but that's okay.  and eggs, I'll miss eggs.  And ice cream.

I can't think about the above.  I'll just have to watch the movie again....

Seriously!  Take note of this!  God provides--He already has provided, eh?  (I'm not saying other food/meat/etc. isn't totally tasty and that I won't eat it.  I'm not saying the switch and "saying no" won't be difficult.  I'm just saying, you and me both, siblings, it's probably worth it!)


Tuesday, March 13, 2012

I Got Passion in My Pants and I...

The first time I heard those lyrics, I was appalled.  You could have noticed, too, because my jaw usually drops and stays that way for some time when I am shocked about something.  Scandalous.  Shocking.  Most dance music puts my jaw on the floor with its lyrics.  The problem is, I want to be on the floor, too.

The problem is, I had so much fun tonight at this dance class at a fitness gym this evening.  so much fun!  I sweated a lot and shook my hips and booty a lot and we were JAMMIN'!  It was a blast-for myself, at least.  Now going back to the lyrics again, you know the song, "Shots".  Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots (I don't know how many times it says it...) and then it goes, "Everybody!!"  The beat is so fun and you rally with other people and are like, "Yeahhhh!"  That song?  It's a "picker-upper"--all you have to do is jump up and down and smile and the song will take over your body, you know?  But the lyrics?  I ask myself, now, why is drinking a bunch of shots important?  Why should and why would I do that?  Is that fun?  Why do so many people think that's fun?  When I think of heavy drinking, I think about forgetting life, people, obligations, memories, and my life so miserable, for most people, that forgetting life is the best thing about the weekend?  And in contrast, why does the Bible say that drinking excessively is a sin?  I refuse to think that command, to not get drunk, is a pointless command to just be a fun-sucker.  Where do people get that typical "club dancing" is sinful?  Grinding?  Booty-shaking?  Oh-because it encourages and asks for lust and actions following lust.  Why would the Bible say lusting is wrong?  He made us sexual creatures...

Okay, I'll stop with the italics.  Shoot, I walked away and I forgot my train of thought, where I was going with this.  :(  BUT ANOTHER THOUGHT crossed my mind when I heard some other lyrics in this class tonight--I thought about the sex industry and sex-trafficking children.  It doesn't even need to include children, anybody being moved-around, bought, forced, harassed, raped for money, is wrong.  Doesn't everyone kind of agree with that statement, Christ-follower, or not?  The song lyrics were, "sexy ladies," which made me think of a store called something like that, that I passed walking West on Lawrence in Chicago.  Walking that same direction, on that same street, I also pass the Admiral Theatre, a Gentlemen's Club (I want to look up why these places are called Gentlemen's Clubs).

ANYWAYS, I have a hard time keeping things condensed when I write, but from tonight's incredible fitness dance class (and the music was loud and this is very important), I came to thinking about dance, sex, Jesus, hip hop fitness classes to Christian music, hip hop fitness classes for God-fearing people, hip hop fitness classes that are fun, and difficult, and God-respecting, and...I think that sums it up.

Now, where do I go from here?  Does Satan take our bodies and use loud beats to twist them into dishonorable shapes and moves?  Or would I see Jesus...dancing...with me?

"Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle-yeah..."

Saturday, March 10, 2012

0::0\**Taylor Swift**/0::0

These are my favorites of Speak Now: 
(cover by another beautiful gal)

it may be considered silly, but I really like T.Swift.  and i remember this first semester, at school, there was this speaker who spoke on "going first" and how when she goes first speaking, it is less scary for another person to do so, and it goes on and on.  and i bring this up with T.Swift because how she talks about loves and feelings and attraction, it makes it easier for me to go second you know?  that was the whole theme of the speaker's was about going first, so another can go second.  does this make sense?  it was a wonderful speech and evening, i remember.  and T.Swift's 3rd album is pretty wonderful, too.  you go, girl.  you just keep writing and singing your pretty lil heart out! 


Thursday, March 8, 2012


1) There is a really neat song by an unknown artist that is taken from the book of Hosea, chapter 2 (I have used ESV).

haha, good point, huh?  gives a lot.

2) Hosea chapt. 13:14
"I will ransom them from the power of the grave; I will redeem them from death.  Where, O death, are your plagues?  Where, O grave, is your destruction?"

and then right after this part, is the following, verse 15:

"I will have no compassion, even though he thrives among his brothers.  And east wind from the Lord will come, blowing in from the desert; his spring will fail and his well dry up.  His storehouse will be plundered of all its treasures."

Not so nice to read, huh?  I agree.

I need to read the whole chapter--chapter 13.  and I need to know and remember who is Ephraim.  But I also need to take the dogs out.  This will be a daily thing.  Maybe today I can go to the bookstore or library and read and think...

3) I woke up this morning, with the opportunity to sleep-in, and I think I'll start school.  I don't know if this was an intentional answer from God, but...I feel like I would have peace not going to camp in Arkansas, though it would be amazing, but to start massage school and develop the opportunities I have already.  Maybe another time, I can travel South.  Or West.  :-)


Wednesday, March 7, 2012

"I heard you were a Wild One. OooOoooOoo"

Before the above song came on the radio this evening, driving home I heard a T. Swift song, "Ours".  I really enjoy T. Swift.  I'm not sorry for that either.  I am aware that I am perhaps, more cynical, skeptical, sad about love and relationships than most Joes and Janes, but Taylor Swift songs kind of bring out the optimism in me. 

Like I really enjoy her song, "Sparks Fly", and while we're on the topic, I really enjoyed purchasing and owning her first two CDs and looking forward to owning her latest one as well.  Thanks Taylor Swift, for writing about and singing about love that I am not creative enough or trusting enough to think about.  *taps fist on chest a couple of times and throws it at T. Swift--that's a "homegirl" signal*

I want options.  I ask for them.  But now, I really don't feel like making a decision.  I don't like making long-term goals.  Goals like, "I'm not going to cut my hair 'till ____", or, "I'm going to finish this semester in school" are okay.  Like, for the most part I make those kinds of goals and I keep them.  But goals like, "In 5 years I'm going to ______", or something like that, I am NOT comfortable making those kinds of goals.  I don't really know why.  I find it to be silly for me.  I feel like I'm a gal who is on the chain of the weakest link.  If there is a disaster, I'll either die or I'll be under a bridge somewhere or saved by a whim--you know what I mean?  That's an extreme example, but what I'm talking about is I don't make goals because 1) I don't know when my time is UP. 2) (and most influentially) I don't want to be chained to anything.  If I make the goal to be a teacher in 3 yrs., but get the opportunity to join a circus for a year or something whimsical like that, shouldn't I, and wouldn't I, take that?  Is anyone getting to see my perspective?

For example (and the beauty of typing a bunch is that this is my blog, so I can type and type...), I told a friend in the Fall some of my "dreams".  One of my dreams was to work in and be a part of an orphanage!  I want children to be played with, instructed, and valued.  I want children to be told that they are beautiful/handsome everyday and eat home-made dee da da, a dream of mine is to work alongside an orphanage.  Well when I told him this, he will periodically ask me, "How's your orphanage?"  And I think to myself, "You can't ask me that!  That's a...that's a...a dream!  A far-away dream!"

Essentially, what I want to say is again, I don't know what to do.  Ha!  I want to:
-work at summer camp in Arkansas this summer
-go to Paris with YWAM this summer
-become a Jazzercise instructor
-start massage training at Soder World's academy because it appears to be such a beautiful and peaceful place
-meet Jesus, semi face-to-face because I'm scared.
-live in an Intentional Community although the longer I go without visiting one, the more energy it takes to say its long name and the more living by myself in a cute apt appeals...I don't think this is a good thing.
-take dance lessons.  develop as a dancer.  love dancing.
-work with/study/finish college and get a degree in Special Education, Elementary Education...
-work hard and complete my AMTC training and opportunity
-order some hot drinks to go with Jesus and proceed to go on a nice long walk with Him.
-move.  Move South or West.  I don't know if I still have dreams of going to Montana.  Maybe once Schaumburg has warmed up, I'll fantasize once again of going to the beautiful, free state of Montana (never been there-I just assume it's a beautiful and "free" place to be)
-Jesus. ? 

What should I do first?

-Oh, and not think of myself all the time.  I am not the center of my life.  I never should be.  Never want to be, it's not the best thing.  Others.  Others are what my eyes are focused on.  Serving them because this is how I serve the Creator.  I don't want to live for me.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Starting Over

Spring feels like a good time to start over.  It's a time where birth, or re-birth, is encouraged.  I'm looking out the window now and see the sunshine, though I know the air is still crisp and chilly.  We have a set of black chimes in our backyard and the sound of it is nice.  It's not constant, not expected in a certain matter, but instead it literally just "goes with the flow" and makes tings and tangs with the beat of the wind...
I wasn't intending on going on a tangent with that.  No.  The idea of rebirth did spring forth (haha, get it?) when I opened this big Bible we have in our kitchen.  This Bible was a gift to my mother and her first husband when they got married.  I opened it to Psalms and it was chapter 23; how the Lord is our good shepherd.
I pause.  I'm thinking.  I've realized, or I've known this for awhile, but that I don't believe--the Bible.  I don't believe it to be personal.  I don't believe it to be for me.  But if it were, it sounds really good.  Here:

Pslams 25:
To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul;
in you I trust, O my god.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.

Show me your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love,
for they are form of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O Lord.

 Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way. 
All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
For the sake of your name, O Lord,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
Who, then, is the man that fears the Lord?

The chapter goes on.  Chapters 23-27 are all  :-)  I just want to believe them.
On a whole 'nother note.  I'm sick at the moment and therefore I have made the following decisions:
DoTerra oils (essential oils), I think, really help! 
JuicePlus--I will take JuicePlus more diligently!
Tea...I should take a break from coffee.  Yeah, definitely.
Psalm 25:1  To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul; in you I trust, O my God.

Thursday, March 1, 2012


1.  Pumpkin is my favorite.  My favorite dough, at least, is that of pumpkin.  Or baked goods.  Pumpkin oatmeal cookies = the bomb!  Pumpkin chocolate chip bread = so darn good!  Pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin!

2.  << thank you, so much, Pastor Hybels.  A really good sermon--you will benefit from this, no doubt!

3.  AMTC?  C'mon!  I need to work on it.  I need to think of a schedule.

4.  Should I start massage school at the beginning of this summer?, baking internship?, camp counselor?

5.  Starting this week, I will tithe and save whatever money I attain.

6.  Instead of taking up space on my cell phone, I need to write down the quotes I have "locked" from Twitter.  :-)  Most of them are from C.S. Lewis.

I am currently unable to load pumpkin pictures here--rt. click is not cooperating :-/  it's okay!  don't worry!  :-)

Locked Tweets on my phone:::
           "Christian, if you feel like you are sinking, Jesus says to you, "Take heart.  It is I.  Do not be afraid."  Matt. 14:27 --John Piper
           "Each of us at each moment is progressing to one state or the other-" --C.S. Lewis
           "We do not merely want to see beauty, we want to be united with it."  --C.S. Lewis  

I Ate the Divorce Papers

by Gabriel Benjamin Davis
I ate them.  That's right.  I ate the divorce papers, Charles.  I ate them with ketchup.  And they were good...gooood.  You probably want me to get serious about our divorce.  The thing is you always called our marriage a joke.  So let's use logic here: If (A) we never had a serious marriage then (B) we can't have a serious divorce.  No.  We can't.  The whole things a farce, Charles -- a farce that tastes good with ketchup.  (Beat)
I mean, wasn't it last week, your dad asked you the reason you walked down that aisle with me and you said, "for the exercise."  Ha, ha.  That's funny.  You're a funny guy, Charles.  I'm laughing, not crying.  Ha, ha.  I'm laughing because you're about to give up on a woman who is infinitely lovable.  (Beat)
For instance, Pual.  He has loved me since the eighth grade.  Sure, he's a little creepy, but he reeeally loves me.  He's made one hundred twenty-seven passes at me, proposed forty-seven times, and sent me over two hundred original love sonnets.  He sees something in me, Charles.  And he writes it down, in metered verse!  (Beat)
....... (monologue continues) ........
by Bruce Kane
"To be or not to be that is the question..."  (Dropping the Shakespearean tone and replacing it with a modern sound.)  No, it's not...That's not the question.  That never was the question.  The question is, "Will you marry me?"  That's the question.  But when you're with a guy who can't make up his mind about anything, what you get is "Whether 'tis nobler to suffer the sling and arrows of outrageous..."  
No, I don't like how that one continues...let's keep looking!
by Jill Morley
G'morin'!  Welcome to Chanel Sixty-Four's "cookin' with Tulula."  I'm Tulula Lee May, your Baptist Gourmet and before I lead in a recipe, I'm gonna lead you in a prayer.
Lordy, Lordy, let me learn.  Not to let my souffle burn.  And if it does, oh promise me this.  Someone in my kitchen will like it crisp!  Amen.
Last night, I was divinely insprired when the Lord came to me in a dream and He said, "Tulula, you are my culinary link to humanity.  I bestow upon you the celestial preparation for fried grits."
Ingredients are hominy, cheese, and the life-giving energy to all the Lord's creatures...fat.
First you baptize your ingredients  (Throws water on the ingredients with fervor).  You're baptized!  You're baptized!  You're baptized!
Next, we finely chop the hominy and the cheese, which I have already done because they won't let me have the air time I need.  (Smiles and winks at a producer off-stage.)  Isn't that right, Jimmy?  (Under her breath.)  Producer Shmoducer.
................. (monologue continues) .......

I'm still in the process of memorizing that, Glass Eels, monologue, but I need to prepare a "funny" monologue, as well.  That's what the above are about.  :-)  
It's March, by the way!  Happy March!  This means that my 21 yr. old sister will be 22 yrs. old soon and March 17 is only about three weeks away!  Less than!  And by March 17, I need to be prepared for AMTC.  Woot wooty.  ;-)
With love,
Kyla  :-)