I'm thankful to say I went (as I previously stated) to Life Action Camp (http://www.lifeactioncamp.com/) with a friend and her family. It's a WONDERFUL camp. I am very blessed to have been able to go. The speaker, Tom Harmon (http://www.tdharmon.com/), was encouraging, funny, motivating, and all that makes a good speaker. :) I feel tonight something he emphasized during that week.
Consistency. OH COME ON! I STINK! I STINK I STINK I STINK!!!! Confession: there came a time when I liked this boy. kind of a lot. well, as much as I know of- which isn't a whole lot. mostly lust, if we're just being straight-up. still, you know, this lust emotion is strongg. and not always pretty. how this pertains to be consistent is very simple. I am not consistent in my worship.
Lord, whatever happens, YOU are to be praised. Whatever happens, may I praise You. Regardless of said boy. I worshiped God through song tonight. I, along with perhaps a hundred (I'm not quite accurate with numbers) other "young folk" sang songs of praise, of confession, of dying-to-self, of love to God. And I thought I really meant it- I want to say I still really meant it. What if I don't?
Because I came home tonight to consider boy again and I internally huffed and puffed that boy was not interested in me and how this isn't fair or more realistically, how I wasn't currently having any fun! As childish, rude, and awful as I sound, I'm guaranteed to be worse. And the very One who I pushed away and spit on in a moment's notice is the One I say and try to live my life for. And this is also the point where I can get very discouraged and say that following Christ or "being a Christian" (why did I put that in quotes? it unfortunately sounds "little" to me- not cool) is wayyyy too hard and how can I get it right....
No! Lord, if You'll take me back, I want to come back. Help, God. Boy and lust are not good for me AT ALL.