Sunday, June 12, 2011


Ahem: twitterpated apparently is a word, one that I feel ridiculous saying, I am encountering it.  I asked a friend today at work if she knew what I was talking about when I asked, "Do you ever wonder if you really like someone?  Or if you like someone just because you want to like someone really badly?"
Perfect, clear example:  I look for some young romeo to crush on.  I've been attracted to the opposite sex since I was like- a newborn.  I like men.  I like the way they look, the way they feel, the way they smell, the way they sound,...  Men are just- a fantastic creation of God.  And I've never dated one.

I have had this "vision."  I thought that high school would go a little differently if you asked me...I thought I would date football players while I was a cute lil cheerleader (the closest I got to that vision was me being on the poms team my freshman year).  I laughed in my vision and if it were "perfect" it would be pretty darn close to Carrie Underwood's music video "Just a Dream" or even better, "American Girl."  I'm getting side-tracked to my case.  My vision of my high school life also included pints of ice cream which I would bring with spoons to my sister's room or something and I would cry, but laugh about the end of a relationship- you know, the typical ice-cream indulging-laughing-with-your-bestfriend-after-a-breakup scenario!  I though that this life would have been perfect even if it did include breakups.  But I'm a fun gal who likes boys- wouldn't some find me cute enough to pursue?

I didn't really mean to go here in this entry.  I don't know if I intended to go here in any entry.  But I don't think and I don't want to think that this vision/fantasy of mine is wrong or embarrassing.  For me, everything feels better when I type it out and I want to be a woman who's honest and here's a sliver of what's on my heart :)

Really what I wanted to document was how I am feeling "twitterpated" whether by choice or not.  I don't know.   I've wondered this before, "Do I really like him?  Or do I just think I like him or want to like him because I enjoy having this crush?"  I don't know.  Currently the apple of my eye I think I really do like...not that I talk to him or anything.  Ha!  God, Daddy...your daughter likes the men you created.  Yes, Daddy, also called, Majesty, and Holy God.  Isaiah 55:8- Your ways are not like my ways & your thoughts are not like mine.  I'm sorry, Daddy- this "man longing" consistently comes back after I hear your promises.  But not I, but You- will you convince me again and again that You're the best thing ever?  You're all I need?  Won't you please, God?

I told my ma I would get off when my computer dies.  I have like 3 minutes.  I wanted to pick my next recipe!  Ahh!  Pressure!  I'm thinking something with fruit and maybe something I should practice for my sister's bake sale and ahh!!!  okay I have to go.  A conclusion must come at another blog entry.  ;)

Kisses :*,
Miss Rae
...Isaiah 55:8...

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