Ahem: twitterpated apparently is a word, one that I feel ridiculous saying, I am encountering it. I asked a friend today at work if she knew what I was talking about when I asked, "Do you ever wonder if you really like someone? Or if you like someone just because you want to like someone really badly?"
Perfect, clear example: I look for some young romeo to crush on. I've been attracted to the opposite sex since I was like- a newborn. I like men. I like the way they look, the way they feel, the way they smell, the way they sound,... Men are just- a fantastic creation of God. And I've never dated one.
I have had this "vision." I thought that high school would go a little differently if you asked me...I thought I would date football players while I was a cute lil cheerleader (the closest I got to that vision was me being on the poms team my freshman year). I laughed in my vision and if it were "perfect" it would be pretty darn close to Carrie Underwood's music video "Just a Dream" or even better, "American Girl." I'm getting side-tracked to my case. My vision of my high school life also included pints of ice cream which I would bring with spoons to my sister's room or something and I would cry, but laugh about the end of a relationship- you know, the typical ice-cream indulging-laughing-with-your-bestfriend-after-a-breakup scenario! I though that this life would have been perfect even if it did include breakups. But I'm a fun gal who likes boys- wouldn't some find me cute enough to pursue?
I didn't really mean to go here in this entry. I don't know if I intended to go here in any entry. But I don't think and I don't want to think that this vision/fantasy of mine is wrong or embarrassing. For me, everything feels better when I type it out and I want to be a woman who's honest and loving...so here's a sliver of what's on my heart :)
Really what I wanted to document was how I am feeling "twitterpated" whether by choice or not. I don't know. I've wondered this before, "Do I really like him? Or do I just think I like him or want to like him because I enjoy having this crush?" I don't know. Currently the apple of my eye I think I really do like...not that I talk to him or anything. Ha! God, Daddy...your daughter likes the men you created. Yes, Daddy, also called, Majesty, and Holy God. Isaiah 55:8- Your ways are not like my ways & your thoughts are not like mine. I'm sorry, Daddy- this "man longing" consistently comes back after I hear your promises. But not I, but You- will you convince me again and again that You're the best thing ever? You're all I need? Won't you please, God?
I told my ma I would get off when my computer dies. I have like 3 minutes. I wanted to pick my next recipe! Ahh! Pressure! I'm thinking something with fruit and maybe something I should practice for my sister's bake sale and ahh!!! okay I have to go. A conclusion must come at another blog entry. ;)