Saturday, June 4, 2011

No recipe, Just thoughts

"Just thoughts" makes it sound like unimportant daydreams; perhaps like an option. But really what I'm thinking of isn't an option. Or it shouldn't be? I just watched a video by Francis Chan (it's posted below) called, "Erasing Hell." I found it on my friend, Keith's facebook. About 30 seconds into it, I put my mouse over the video to see how long the thing is. I do this a lot- I want to hear things, be aware of things, but I don't want to put time into hearing/learning them. Unless of course what I'm reading is Twilight and I don't want it to end... What I gathered Francis Chan's thesis was that God- God is "a little" more developed, more whole, wise, and accurate than even modern, rational humans are.

Two Biblical passages he used are Isaiah 55:8 and Isaiah 64:8. There is also a song that repeats, "He's nothing like you and I...He's nothing like you and I... ("See the Way" by Misty Edwards, apparently)"

I suppose these lyrics link to Isaiah 55:8, "My thoughts are completely different from yours," says the LORD. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine."
And yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We all are formed by your hand. (Isaiah 64:8)
Really what you should do is watch Chan's video yourself. I'm sad to say that I'm lazy in my faith. I am. I like to believe what is easy and I like to talk about getting a relationship with God rather than taking disciplinary steps working towards it. Yesterday I threw another temper tantrum with God (this may happen more frequently than it should). I indirectly told him (because I didn't want to carve out time to talk to Him) that I'm tired of not being a good Christian. It's too hard and I suck at it. I don't want to be mindful of selling something I am unsatisfied with- which is what I feel like about Christianity.

I want to be a part of the bandwagon so bad that says, "It's not a religion, it's a relationship." Screw that, maybe I want a religion and not a relationship. Religion has rules and practices that maybe I can follow- except the fasting thing. That practice is a discouragement. A relationship with this air-yknow seems- seems like something I haven't been able to do. Only talk about. thing, this all-powerful, but intangible being that I need to respect, embrace, and

What gets me is when I see other people who seem "in the know." Unlike other people, I've been delightfully received and welcomed by Christians which has made me want to be one and be around other Christians. This is why I don't understand when people find Christians uncomfortable to be around when I've found that they are the people who are really good at loving. But back to what I was saying about these Christians "in the know." 

Someone at a youth group once told me that she saw God trying to reach me, trying to love me so much, but I can't see Him, maybe I won't let Him? I just remember her looking at me, teary-eyed, telling me this and I felt happy and also irritated. What?! What am I doing wrong? I feel like I have to do backflips and scary and difficult gymnastic tricks (which is what fasting feels like to me...) in order for me to adequately understand/see who God is and where He is in my life. The worse part is I'm trying to "sell this." Evangelize. Yeah...real convincing.

But I do believe in Jesus as both Lord and a man who walked this Earth- I do. Come to think of it- it's probably because I'm drawn to those beautiful, welcoming Christian people I referenced before. The love, patience, and beauty that radiates from Christians I know keep me a believer in Jesus as my and humanity's Savior.

I've written a lot though I know I can keep going and going. It's annoying though when someone writes a huge thing online- fun-sucking practice (e.g. long e-mails, cards with poems on them...). Conclusion: God, please continue to be patient with me. I'm sorry- more than I know.

Still, I end with kisses :*,
Miss Rae...

Je préfère le verset en français (Google Translator is so neat, thank you, Tommy):

Isaiah 55:8 LSG
Louis Segond 1910 (French)
"Car mes penses ne sont pas vos penses, Et vos voies ne sont pas mes voies, Dit l'ternel." ("See the Way" song by Misty Edwards) (Francis Chan video)

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